i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
