i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
