Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
