You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
