I wish I could teleport
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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