Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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