im drinking this country out of the recession.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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