i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
