dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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