i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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