I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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