I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
