Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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