im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
