dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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