I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
