Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
