bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
