You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
one two three fourrrrnication!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
