i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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