Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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