Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
