I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
