i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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