There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Boobs are out for the taking
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
