Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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