Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
