Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
