You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
