that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
