She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it because I queefed?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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