You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
