And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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