I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I touched a dick in church today
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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