So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
