Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
