Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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