im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
