someone threw a dead crab at me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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