Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
