sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
