you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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