Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
