I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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