i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize