The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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