He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
