he thought i was a dude.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
