And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
