I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
