We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
