YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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