so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
