I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
