That's intense
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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