shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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