I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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