yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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