I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
