remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
