Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.

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(916): View more from California

Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character

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(718): View more from New York

I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.

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(515): View more from Iowa

So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport

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(989): View more from Michigan

I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.

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