Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
