we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
