his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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