it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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