can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
