Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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