I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
