I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
