if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
