I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
