How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
