first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
