i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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