I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
