OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
