Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
