the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
