He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
