Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
