I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
