I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
