Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
