I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
