I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize