I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
