shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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