don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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