I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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