chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I currently don't understand fingers.
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