roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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