ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
high people should be assigned attendants
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
