so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize