you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
